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Custody, which includes visitation, or what has come to be collectively called “child sharing” is often the most serious issue in a dissolution or paternity case. Children are often the unintentional victims of their parents separation. There are no set rules governing which parent should have the primary care of the minor children. The policy of the law is to order child sharing which is in the “best interests” of the minor children. The law provides that this issue is to be decided without concern for the gender of the parents. Among the factors the court considers are the age of the child, the nature of the bonds between the child and each parent, the availability of each parent, and the willingness of each parent to promote the relationship between the child and the other parent. This last point is of particular concern. Often one parent is resentful of the other parent to the extent that, either overtly or covertly, he or she alienates the child against the other parent. This is particularly damaging to the child caught in a situation he or she didn’t cause and has no control over. This is true even if the other parent may deserve the resentment.
Procedurally, if there is an issue between the parties over custody at the time the dissolution or paternity case is filed, a mediation conference is arranged for the parents with Family Court Services. The mediation conference is conducted by a psychological counselor who works for the Court and who is experienced in mediating child custody arrangements. In the event the parents are unable to arrive at an agreement for sharing time with the minor children, the mediator will prepare a report recommendating a child sharing plan to the court. In rare cases, where necessary, instead of a child sharing plan, the counselor may recommend that the court order a psychological evaluation. This evaluation is an in-depth study involving the members of the family and can take weeks or even months to complete. Another rare case alternative is for the Court to appoint a lawyer for the child or children. Again, the result is usually a recommendation to the court. Finally, the court will make its order for custody and visitation.
I am often asked, “At what age can my child decide with whom he or she will live?” There is no law in California establishing an age when a child can chose. Generally, the older a minor child is the more weight is given to his or her decision regarding where he or she wishes to live. The age of 12 years is usually considered the youngest age at which the wishes of the child are given important consideration.
The important thing to remember is that the children’s welfare is the paramount goal of the law and child sharing arrangements will be constructed accordingly. Tne starting point in all custody determinations is “frequent and continuing contact with both parents.” It is common for the court to order one or both of the parents to attend and complete a “parenting” course as part of the order for child sharing. Locally, Parent’s Turn is a popular parenting program for this requirement if ordered.
If you are concerned about your children’s emotional well being during your dissolution or paternity case, there are several good books on the subject. I would urge you to consider how your children are coping with the changes they are forced to go through and how you and their other parent can help. A few of the books I believe to be of value are:
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